As you should know, I’m a writer and it’s been a while since I wrote something. I’m not even sure what this should be about. So I’m just going to let my mind wander. There is a lot of stuff that has happened to me in these past weeks that I’ve been at campus. I’ve gone through depression, in fact, I think I’m still in it. Though it’s not as bad as it was before. This time though, I’m actually fighting through it with the help of my friends, counseling and prayer.
If I was asked to describe what it’s like, I really would not know which words to use. Most I could tell you is that it’s a very sneaky thing. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out at me and the moment when I was told that, is the moment when I actually saw it. I had no idea how deeply I had sunk into it. I’m a person who is normally optimistic in some of the hardest situations, but this was something that looked impossible for me to overcome. I had actually become comfortable within the overwhelming feeling of sadness that was upon me like a blanket. I had actually embraced being depressed without knowing it! It was a sort of escape for me from the harsh reality that I was facing.
I had just gone through something I can simply describe as devastating. I convinced myself that I was okay and that was the moment when everything started to go wrong. The more I thought that I was alright, the more that I watched things in my life fall apart. It was like a domino effect only this time, these dominoes kept on getting bigger and bigger. At a certain point, I went numb and this is where I actually stopped fighting the negative thoughts that were plaguing my mind. They became my home and-as I had mentioned before- my comfort, and I started to shrivel up inside like a plant deprived of water. I became a shut in, I avoided my friends and if anyone asked me what the matter was, I would put on the biggest smile that I could make up and tell them that I’m just tired. Meanwhile, I lost the love for things that were a part of me. I stopped writing, I stopped hanging out with my friends, and I stopped taking care of myself, all my hobbies died. Overall, I was dying inside. I really don’t even want to think about it, but this is my reality. It’s what happened to me and it almost completely overtook me. I had lost all will to live. Some days, I would just stay in my bed and scroll through my phone aimlessly.
But one thing that I realize now, is that it’s never the end. All I needed was to ask for help. This was the hardest thing for me, I had to talk to my friends and tell them what I’m going through. I had to get counseling. This was also quite hard for me. Accepting that I had a problem and that I needed professional help. Though it was really hard for me to do, I do not regret it at all. It’s the only reason I’m still standing today.
And to anyone who feels like they are being weighed down by anything, be it thoughts, addictions or trauma, the first step that can get you on the path to recovery is to simply ask for help. Put your pride on the side, and ask for help. It might not be the easiest thing to do; To accept that you’re not okay, that you’re hurting and you need help. But trust me, it will make all the difference and it can even be the turning point in your life. I hope that this gives you some perspective and maybe encourages you to get out of that situation and ask for help.
All the best,
About the Author
Sekamatte Soul Solomon is my name. I’m a born again Christian. I am a computer science student at Uganda Christian University Mukono. I love reading novels and comics, I’m a tech enthusiast and want to be a developer and chef in the future. I am a person who is passionate about mental health and healthy relationships. I suffered from depression at the start of my first year in campus and I’m healing from the experience. I hope to help someone get through what I experienced and live a healthy and happy life.